Roxanne's Closet

Growing Pains
By: Roxanne Estrellado – Limjoco

Starting a family isn’t easy. You do not only have your spouse to think about but now you must start making decisions with your future children in mind. It is best to plan each child. One must be mentally, emotionally and financially prepared to be parents. Once the baby arrives, there’s no turning back. You cannot just return it like merchandise because you can’t handle the pressures of parenthood. I learned this the hard way. None of my pregnancies were planned. I had my first baby at 19, my second at 20 and my youngest at 25. My husband is just a year older than me and so we were practically growing with our children.

Growing Up

When our first baby came, we had help coming from our parents and a Yaya. The first few weeks was not that hard; changing his diapers, feeding him, burping him, bathing him. But as the weeks passed we started feeling the sleepless nights and the pressure put on us by the baby. He was such an attention-getter. I had to rock him to sleep every night. His timing was perfect. He would cry when I was about to fall asleep or when I was in the bathroom. To make matters worse, having just gone back to school, I got pregnant again! Having two babies was the beginning of our difficulties. When the new baby cried, the other one would cry as well. When one got sick, the other would surely follow. It was a never ending cycle of diapers, milk and medicines. At night, I would have to study in the bathroom so as not to wake the children. My husband slept on the floor with our daughter while I slept on the bed with our son. We each had our own bottles of milk beside us so when the kids started to cry we would just stick them in their mouths. This went on for over two years. Then the miracle of Barney happened. We now had an addition to our arsenal of helpful finds. When the children were restless or when we were so tired, we would just play a Barney video and we would get an hour or two of peace and quiet. Sleep had become a precious and most sought after activity.

A few tips to parents:
• Do not make it a habit to rock your baby sleep!
• When the baby sleeps, go to sleep as well.
• Give Yaya a good night’s sleep to recharge her for the next day.
• Let the baby get used to sleeping even in a bright and noisy environment.
• Alternate taking care of the baby at night with your spouses.

Growing Older

In a few years’ time, my husband and I felt like experts. We could put on diapers or make a bottle of milk with our eyes closed. We’ve now entered into another zone, not far from the twilight zone. The children can now verbalize their complaints. When this happens, you don’t know anymore whether you want them to go back to crying like before. They now tell you want they want. They walk, they talk and they’re in command. Ronald McDonald becomes their new friend. Romantic dinners in a fancy restaurant would now be replaced by fast-food chains. Going to the malls would definitely have a stop-over at a toy store. Movie dates would include watching animated characters. Putting white upholstery on furniture or car seats would have to be given a second thought. At this stage, a parent should have good convincing powers. You should be careful with the promises you make for kids never forget. Now is the time to make up rules for the children to follow or else you’ll end up being used and abused by them.

Rules could be the following:
• Eat at Mc Donald’s only every other weekend.
• Make promises you can keep.
• Buy toys only on special occasions.
• Make sure furniture is child-proof.
• Watch animated movies as a reward for good deeds.

Growing Together

When I look back, the sacrifices and hardships my husband and I made while raising our children now seem to be insignificant. Every little pain our children felt were magnified ten times more for us. Every time they got sick, we wished it to be us. Every time they got picked on in school, I wanted to terrorize those little bullies. But these experiences made them stronger. These experiences made us stronger too. It is very rewarding to see your children face problems and make decisions on their own. It wasn’t just our children who did the growing up and growing older, we all grew together. This experience in itself is a priceless reward. There is no role in the world as fulfilling as being a parent. There are many things to learn, even from our young ones.

Things I learned from my children:
• I am never too old to play.
• It’s okay to laugh at myself.
• It is relaxing to watch cartoons.
• It’s great to say I LOVE YOU anytime, anywhere.
• It’s not that difficult to say I’m sorry.
• It is fine to be a bum for a whole day.
• It is easy to be happy.
• It is not a crime to say I DON’T KNOW.
• It is not embarrassing to be afraid.
• It is not weird to be weird.