 The Birds and the Bees and More…
By: Roxanne Estrellado – Limjoco
One can never be prepared for becoming parents. No matter how many books you read, seminars you attend and children you have, you will never be ready for the surprises your kids will give you. There are different levels for these surprises and most of the time you are caught unaware. Let me share with you what I have experienced from my own children and maybe you can pick up a few lessons on how to deal with them when the scenario arises. Or if you find my ways unorthodox, you may opt not to pay any attention to my actions.
Toddler Talk
I have often been as open and honest as I could with my children. When they ask me questions, I try to explain as truthfully and carefully as I can. I wanted our lines of communication a no-holds-bar sort of thing. But at the young age of three, my children were already asking me about where babies come from. I didn’t talk about the stork or the gift from above story. I chose to tell them the scientific way of how the sperm meets the egg and forms into a baby. They were very fascinated especially when I drew my version of sperms swim racing to the egg. I told them that they were all winners in the race, Ram sperm, Sam sperm and Red sperm were all the first placers in the finish line. They were so happy and proud of their achievements.
Pep Talk
This explanation remained unquestionable for a few years until they were about eight years old. This time they approached me asking how Papa’s sperms got into Mama’s egg. Trying to appear as calm and composed as I can, I worked out my brains thinking of a solid and non-malicious answer to my very curious kids. I didn’t want my explanation to be too graphic and so I told my children that parents had a special way of showing their love for each other that allows the father’s sperms to migrate to the mother’s egg. Thankfully, they accepted that and didn’t probe further to ask about what this special way was.
Grown-up Talk
Again, this topic rested for a few more years, much to my relief! Since my first two children, Ram and Sam, are of the same age, most of their questions always come at the same time. But with my third child, Red, who was 5 years younger than Sam; I had to go through the exact, same experiences all over again. But now, there are a few alterations to the story because this time my two teenagers reinforce my explanation now that they are older. When Red asked about the sperm and the egg, I of course presented the same tale. When Ram and Sam heard their youngest brother’s query, they eagerly gave their views. Shockingly I listened to their version of how babies are made and without any malice they informed Red about the real deal! The different sexual terms were dropped here and there as if they were talking about how to make a pancake! Need I say more?
Serious Talk
I wasn’t offended or angry with what my children knew. After the shock wore off, I was actually very proud of them. It was good to hear them talk like grown ups. I took this as a cue for more serious talks with my children. This happened even before my daughter hit puberty! Now that Ram is 15 and Sam is 14, I regularly give them talks about sex, sexuality, smoking, drugs, peer pressure and other problems that teenagers may be faced with. I sometimes include Red in the talks that are appropriate for his age; he is now 9 years old by the way. These talks are usually prompted by the experiences my children have. For instance, when my daughter first had her period, I shared with her my own first menstruation story and of course reminded her what this really entails. When my eldest son was circumcised I also talked to him about becoming a man. Of course this was further discussed to him by his father. When my children told me of someone their age that got pregnant, I gave them a talk about premarital sex and the responsibilities of being a parent. I even shared with them my own story of becoming a very young mom and that not all young mothers and fathers are lucky enough to have a happy life together. When my children talk to me about crushes, I do not reprimand them. I react as normally as I can and tell them that it is natural to have crushes. It is more unnatural not to have one.
Reverse Talk
This kind of parenting actually has its advantages. I’ve discovered that what I am doing has reverse effects on my children. It’s as if they are hanging on longer to childhood than most kids their age do. My husband is especially relieved that his only daughter is not yet busy making “telebabad” with boys or asking permission to go to parties. He is a bit impatient though with his eldest son for being a late bloomer but I’m not. I am happy that he still likes spending time with his family because by next year, he will be off to college. I am really enjoying all the time I have with my three children because before I know it, they will all have their own lives to live and I hope and pray that my husband and I were able to get them ready for this.
Tips on Talking to your Kids about Sex:
1. Explore your feelings about sex before discussing it with your kids.
2. Start early by giving the proper names to your kids’ private parts.
3. If your children do not ask, take the initiative.
4. Talk about the love, care, concern and responsibility involved in sex.
5. Give the accurate information appropriate to your child’s age.
6. Talk about the changes in your children’s bodies as they grow older.
7. Let your children know your values about sex.
8. Relax when asked about sex.
9. Be honest.
10. Listen to your children.
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